Last moments

My last day on Kasos I rented a car and drove practically all over the island visiting my favorite beaches. I went to Helatros for the cobbled beach and sheer cliffs. I went to Emporios to see all the people I know and say goodbye. Then I went to Antiperatos for the tiny little pebbles and the playful waves. I was completely alone on the beach. My favorite mountain sits in the background and the beach is a hidden cove under red cliffs. I was there till the sun set.

I can think of very few things that move me more than watching the sun set on Kasos. For whatever reason, this particular moment in time, at the end of a day spent in the water or climbing up cliffsides is the moment that everything comes together and all seems right with the world. Kasos is such a part of my life that it is particularly evocative to watch the sun set there.

I'm in Athens now. We baptised my nephew yesterday and he screamed bloody murder. That's always considered a good sign, exorcising demons and whatnot. His parents practically had to be restrained from clubbing the priest as he dunked the poor little mite into the font. My sister-in-law cried. She's Thai and didn't expect the enthusiasm with which we dunk our children here. We really want to make sure the devil is good and scrubbed out. Poor kids. She rallied bravely, though my brother refused to let go of his son, despite the fact that he was not supposed to be the one dressing the child. Still, it's done, they're happy and we moved on to the next phase of the vacation.

My dad and I went in to the center of Athens. I always like going with him. He takes me to his old stomping grounds from when he was a young man trolling the tavernas under the Acropolis. He took me to a kafeneion whith marble-top tables, decorated with late 19th century neo-classical memorabilia. We sat in a window and gazed at the Erechtheion on the rock, drank ouzo, nibbled on mezedes and talked about the eternal subject... Greece. Her goods and bads, her successes and failures. No matter how bad it is here, we Greeks have a sick connection with the place. We simply can't do without regardless of the difficulties of life here.

It's always such a bitter-sweet affair for me to come here. I dread it and long for it. I don't know that I'll ever be free of the desire to return, to find some way to come back. "Back" is the operative word here, too. We want to come back to what we remember when we left. I want to come back to my childhood memories of what life was like, or what I thought it was like. I want to find a way to still be able to touch the reality of my life here, way back when. That's a tough proposition in the US, no matter what I do to bring some of Greece in to my life there.
Whenever I arrive here I'm trilled and filled with trepedation. Whenever I leave, I have some sense of relief that the trial is over and I can return to "my life" but I feel like I'm leaving a huge part of my psyche behind when I step on to that plane to bring me back.
It's been something of a leave-taking on this trip. Life is changing, some decisions are made that create different and new ties to different and new places. In many ways I've come to say goodbye, though I hope only to my memories. I hope to be setting a new path for a different relationship with the people and places of Greece, no less meaningful but entirely changed from what I've been holding on to from my childhood. We'll see.